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Statistical Improbabilities

10 Mar

How often do you pay attention to statistics when you’re thinking about going out for a specific job or activity? And what do you tell someone who thinks you shouldn’t be able to accomplish something because so few people succeed at it?

Recently, for whatever reason, I started paying attention to statistics, especially pertaining to my own life and how unusually singular my circumstances were. Case in point: I was born with an extremely rare congenital neurological disorder known as Moebius syndrome. This condition is so rare that significantly less than 1% of the human population has it. Furthermore, at the time I was diagnosed, approximately 300 known cases had been correctly diagnosed since 1900.

Upon learning about my condition, the doctors spoke with my parents, earnestly stating that I should be placed into an institution since the chances of me pursuing a normal life were very remote. Thankfully, my parents decided against this course of action and took me home. By the age of three, we discovered I had perfect pitch after I could play the theme song from the movie Patton on the piano note for note. At the age of four, I taught myself to read which facilitated my entry into the talented and gifted (TAG) program. Regarding the prevalence of people with perfect pitch, 1 in 10,000 people have it, while 6% of all children in the United States participate in the TAG program.

When I entered high school in the early to mid 1980s, I discovered my love of acting and musical theater and very much wanted to consider acting as a career. However, there were extremely few actors with disabilities on television and film in those days. It wouldn’t be until 2007 that I finally made the decision to consider acting as a viable career, and even then, I was very wary of the statistics involved. Approximately 2% of all performers can make a living in the industry, and only 3% of all lines read from scripts are given to actors with disabilities.

I made it a point to learn about many performers with disabilities and their contributions to television and film but was not at all surprised to discover that we were not represented very well in the media. I admit to being daunted by those figures, but I nevertheless persisted in performing as a singer and very occasionally as an actor. To continue building on my acting skills, I ended up joining Toastmasters in 2013 to become a better actor and public speaker. I hadn’t even considered becoming a Distinguished Toastmaster until at least several years into my journey as a public speaker, whereupon I’d also learned that less than 1% of all Toastmasters become Distinguished Toastmasters.

Mark Twain is often quoted as saying, “There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damn lies, and statistics.” At this point, I think I’m closer to believing him than ever. Or to put this another way: At what point does paying attention to all these statistics become a distraction? Granted, statistics can be a great way of measuring success in a specific field of study, but it also has the negative effect of telling someone, hey, maybe you’re not ready for this profession yet. After all, if only a small percentage of people make a living as a performer, shouldn’t you consider alternatives, or at least have a Plan B?

The truth is that life isn’t all about statistics so much as it is about taking the first steps towards what you need to accomplish. And here’s what I’ve discovered: Statistical improbabilities can be thwarted by creating attainable goals, and no one should really tell you what you’re able to accomplish, even if it’s meant as sound advice. If you want to be an actor, for example, go for it. Maybe you won’t make a living from it, at least at first, but there are a lot of positive benefits from developing acting skills. Learning how to perform onstage can help boost your confidence, enhance your creativity, help you develop empathy for others, and provide a safe space to explore different emotional states. Above all, if it’s something you enjoy, keep at it, and ignore the naysayers who believe it won’t benefit you in the long run.

This year I’m committed to finishing my Distinguished Toastmasters Award, and the end is almost in sight with only a few more exercises to go before completing the process. Never mind the fact that I’ll be in the 1% of all Toastmasters who complete this journey; the main goal is to become an outstanding professional speaker, not to worry about the rarity of the circumstances or whether I can turn this into a full-time career. The point is to turn those chances you take in whatever career you choose into attainable goals that you can follow. I wish you well on your journey.

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Today’s Headshots

18 Oct

This isn’t a particularly long post. I just wanted to remind people that most of the time, you’re only as good as the headshots you put out for your auditions. Yes, I know the auditions themselves are important, but creating a great first impression on paper matters just as much as the best performance you give to the casting agent or director for the project you’re trying out for.

The first headshot was taken by my mother, Linda Freedman, over a decade ago. At that time, a bakery was still open next to my apartment building. We took several pictures there, and this is the photo that I continue to use for my professional profile. The second photo, below, was taken through Boly:Welch after I’d completed a job training program two summers ago. They offered free headshots for all of us who participated in their workshop, and naturally I couldn’t say no. This photo can also be found on the Actors in Action website. Interestingly, despite these photos being taken years apart from each other, I don’t look as if I’ve aged that much except for the weight gain and thinning hair. You be the judge.

Revisiting Earthly Harmonies

11 Oct

In 2009 the Portland Gay Men’s Chorus performed “Earthly Harmonies,” a concert featuring a variety of pieces from different countries. This was one of my all-time favorite concerts, and I’d often wished we could perform some of those songs again. Thankfully, our holiday program, entitled “Merry Everything,” evokes the spirit of that concert in that we are singing winter songs from around the world. Furthermore, one of the songs from “Earthly Harmonies” makes a return appearance.

“Zikr,” composed by A.R. Rahman, wrote this piece of music for the soundtrack of the film Bose: The Forgotten Hero. In our first performance of this song, my fellow chorus member Vikram Srinivasan was our soloist. The current version that we’ll perform does not have the same solo part but is still stunning in its beauty. Thank you to A.R. Rahman for this wonderful masterpiece as well as our conductors, Dr. Braeden Ayres and Garrett Bond, for bringing it back for an encore performance. You may follow the link below to see our original performance of “Zikr.” I hope you enjoy it.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=zikr+portland+gay+men%27s+chorus

Events & Tickets

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On Facing My Fears

10 Oct

I’ve been an artist for a long time. Specifically, my main areas of focus over the course of my life have been writing, singing, acting, and public speaking. Interestingly, however, I’ve very seldom thought about my “why” for each of these creative endeavors. With writing, I’ve always felt the need to write. It truly is my calling and can keep me up late at night or wake me early in the morning with a sentence or story tugging insistently at my consciousness. My desire to sing is almost as persistent as my calling to write. I don’t try to assign a reason for my singing beyond the fact that I truly love doing it. My public speaking experience came about as a result of my wanting to become a better actor. As a public speaker, my “why” is to be a better communicator and eventually educate people on a variety of different subjects.

Acting, however, has been a different beast altogether, and for a long time I’ve been very conflicted on where to go with it. I knew since I was a teenager that I wanted to create an acting career, but the reality is, my bilateral facial paralysis was always going to be problematic in terms of finding work as an actor. Even when I make the effort to speak more clearly, the lack of facial expression at best relegates me to being a specific type of character actor and at worst being treated as not much more than a stereotype. In some ways, this caused me even more headaches and sleepless nights than the stories that would flit through my head. I would often wonder, how do I create a career for myself as an actor when the odds are seemingly stacked against me because of my disability?

I’ve mentioned this next point in prior posts, but I’ll briefly restate it here. In 2007 I was inspired to go back into acting after reading an article about the successful career of another actor with a disability named Robert David Hall. Almost immediately after finishing that article, I sought out a teacher in television and film acting who in due course became my agent. In addition, I also began researching other performers with disabilities in order to discover how they succeeded in an industry where people with disabilities can often be overlooked or treated as a joke. Not surprisingly, if you do enough research, you’ll find that there are plenty of performers with disabilities in the entertainment industry. However, if you asked most people on the street to name five performers with disabilities, you’d probably get a few blank stares and maybe, just maybe, one or two responses to that question. And I guarantee you that very few of those performers with disabilities are working in any given year compared to their non-disabled counterparts. So while I was encouraged to find successfully working performers with disabilities in show business, it was disheartening to realize that we weren’t well-represented, let alone acknowledged for our accomplishments very often.

With all this in mind, even after getting an agent, I was justifiably terrified of going to auditions. I made some progress and scored a couple of projects very early on, but my fear eventually took over. There were times when I’d receive a notice from a casting agency, whereupon I’d look at the project and think, “Why would they think I’m perfect for this?” I would then blow it off and miss an audition thanks to my fears of how I’d be perceived as a person with a disability rather than realizing that the people who sent me the project notice already had access to my profile and realized I might be a good fit for them. In other words, I was a victim of my own self-sabotage, and I hated myself for it.

The inciting incident that turned things around for me was the pandemic as well as the realization during that time that I needed a hard reset with how I was doing things. My writing received a boost when I agreed to create a column for Voices! Magazine in 2021. My singing had never stopped, even during our isolation during the pandemic, as the Portland Gay Men’s Chorus created virtual concerts to supplement our season, ensuring that our audiences would still be able to see us. I kept active in Toastmasters as well, becoming an Area Director for a third time and attending all of my meetings virtually. But what was I to do about acting?

To this day, I’m still not completely sure how my acting career will work out, but figuring out my “why” was of paramount importance so I could create a more secure space for myself. Ironically, my “why” isn’t about security at all but instead its exact opposite: I act in order to face my fears as a person with a disability and to work past my concerns about how people perceive me. I act because I know there aren’t a lot of other people out there like me with facial paralyses who are working performers, and if I can be successful in my field, then maybe it will make room for other performers with disabilities to do the same. And I act because, frankly, it beats working at a desk in a crappy job that I hate. Yes, I know I could still go down that road, particularly since I’ve almost finished up my certification process as a medical biller and coder. But I’ll leave some grace for myself in that regard since I need a day job like everyone else to foot the bills to support myself as a writer and performer. I act because it matters to me, and maybe it will matter to other people who need to see positive representation in the disability community as well as in the larger society as a whole.

I don’t claim to have all the answers when it comes to finding or maintaining work as an actor. The one bit of reassurance I can give myself is that I’m not alone in facing my fears when I go out for a part. I see the nervousness in every person’s face when they go up on stage, and I know that nine times out of ten most of us will be rejected. But at least now I know why I perform as an actor, and maybe that’s enough to help me take the next few steps forward in creating a successful acting career for myself.

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Out with the Old…

3 Oct

Hi folks. One of the things I’ll be working on is adding new video links to my website. These will be focused on acting, singing, and public speaking projects that I’ve been involved with over the years. A few things might be taken out as well, including some older singing videos that were adequate to view then but don’t represent some of my best work now.

One video I’m proud to include is fairly recent. During the pandemic, I had the privilege of running a breakout session at one of our Toastmaster Leadership Institute events. The breakout session, entitled “How to Create Better Stage Presence on Zoom,” allowed me to explain to other public speakers and leaders how to create a space that works best on visual media. Of course, at the time we were all cooped up and couldn’t communicate in person as much as we would have liked. I have a feeling that a lot of these tips still work well today. Please feel free to share this video with whomever you feel would make the best use of it. Cheers!

Who’s Your Inspiration?

28 Sep

Sometimes It’s really important to remember the things that inspired you to move forward, especially when you’re feeling down or comparing your life to someone else’s successes. This article appeared in the summer edition of Voices! Magazine. The link for the magazine is below. I hope you enjoy it.

Voices! Summer 2024

Minding the Gaps

27 Sep

It’s been a while since I posted. I’d like to think it’s because I was in school this past year working hard toward obtaining my certification in medical billing and coding, but I think part of that absence was based on fear. When you’re a writer and you also need to have a day job for a living, there’s a temptation to think, “Am I doing the right thing by writing even though I need to focus on my regular career?” The essay I wrote for a future issue of Voices! addresses this very topic. Please read on below.

Why should I feel guilty about doing something that brings me joy?

In September 2023, I decided to go back to school to become a certified medical biller and coder. I’d been out of work for a year prior to my return to college, and I was fed up trying to find employment in fields outside of medical and general transcription. Simply put, nothing was working, and I felt lost and confused. I had many qualifications that would put me in good stead with the right company or organization, but nothing was clicking. So back to school I went, and for the most part, it was a tremendously positive experience. I received high marks in my classes, but more importantly, the subject matter was engaging and allowed me to expand my skillsets in several different ways. Much later, I realized that going back to school also restored my confidence in seeking out and completing challenging tasks, an important factor since looking for work was one of the major stumbling blocks I still faced.

Yet despite restoring my confidence, one of the things that bothered me during this period was that I was not necessarily focusing as much attention on my writing as I thought I should. I knew that I needed to find a day job commensurate with my talents and abilities, and certainly medical billing and coding would be an appropriate choice for me to pick. But the one thing you sacrifice toward learning a new skill is time, and in going back to school, I knew that I might not work as hard toward being a professional writer. This turned out to be the case. My blog was put on the back burner, and most of my writing consisted of me either posting answers on Quora or occasionally working in my journal. Looking back at the progress on my blog, it bothered me how long the intervals were between posts. It wasn’t until I finished up with most of my schoolwork that I realized I needed to be more forgiving to myself.

Even when I started worrying about the times between writing gigs, I’d remind myself that at least some of my skills had been enhanced through creating essays for my classes. In fact, those reports were often the most enjoyable assignments I had since they allowed me to be creative. Furthermore, in my coding class, my public speaking skills came to the fore. For the first two terms, as a final project, my teacher had us create videos describing how we would code for different diseases or conditions. I jumped at the opportunity since this utilized my writing and public speaking talents in an educational manner. In short order, I created videos about coding for AIDS as well as Moebius syndrome, the condition that caused my face to be paralyzed since birth. Both videos received high marks, and my teacher asked me permission to use the video about Moebius as an example to show future coding students. In addition, it turned out that my teacher had been in Toastmasters previously and thoroughly enjoyed my work as a speaker, even suggesting that I use my talents to help create voiceover work for other coding videos. Thanks to her advice, I plan on following up on this lead very soon.

Whenever you’re dealing with members who are struggling with their educational goals, it’s important to remember that many times they will be facing similar situations of how to tackle speeches or participate in meetings. A lot of times, these members may be dealing with fear or guilt in not being able to participate fully because they’re too nervous to ask for help. At other times, life gets in the way and makes it harder for the members to be as active in their clubs as they’d like. Learning to respect the needs of those members as well as finding ways for them to feel as though they’re part of the group, even if they don’t always feel like participating, is crucial to their social and educational development.  A lot of times, newer people may feel as though they need to mind the gaps and avoid doing something that would be potentially embarrassing or humiliating for them. Taking the time to mentor our members and ensure that they have a safe space to practice their skillsets allows them to take further risks and work through their doubts.

My educational journey was enjoyable and helped me build confidence in finding work in another field. However, I also noted that even though I worked hard toward defining the skills which would allow me to be employable, I also needed to be focused on my own talents that worked well for me and in the process work past the belief that I shouldn’t have a job I enjoy. Thankfully, I received some surprising support from my teachers which allowed me to find new opportunities in my day job as well as my avocations. Ideally, you should never feel guilty about doing something you love. Even if you need to take some time away from your passion, you may find some surprising benefits from working in other fields that can add value to your craft in the long run.

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Celebrating Our Vibrant Community

17 May

From May 17-21 the Portland Radical Faeries are putting on the first ever Radical Faerie Arts Fest (RADFAF) here in Portland at 321 NW Glisan St. The reception and opening ceremony for the event is tonight, May 17 from 5-9 p.m. The entire festival is completely free. A full rundown of RADFAF can be found here: https://www.radfaf.org

I was asked to perform at RADFAF as a performer, and believe me, I’m happy to participate. I will be performing at our spoken word event, “Faerie Reelness,” on May 18. On May 19 I will be performing at the RADFAF Music/Singer Showcase and will be opening the show.

For my artist’s statement that is included in the program, I stated the following: “I believe storytelling is a human right, not just a civil right. Anything that impedes freedom of speech imperils the rights of those who wish to tell their stories and therefore share their cultures. Storytelling is universal across all societies and belief systems, and therefore the art of telling tales may be considered both a radical and essential act.”

I look forward to seeing you at the Radical Faerie Arts Festival. Be well.

Authentic Storytelling

2 May

My latest article from Voices! Magazine is below. I’ll leave the link for the magazine itself at the end of the article. Enjoy!

What happens when you know you’re right for a part, but the role goes to somebody else?

As an actor, this is very often the case with most roles. When an actor receives a call to go to an audition, he or she will receive “sides,” or a small breakdown of the script which may or may not even be the final copy of the screenplay to memorize before they go for their audition. The role will specify the age range (i.e., 30-45 years old), gender, race, and other factors that the director or producers are looking for from the actor. Although there may be some flexibility in how the role is cast, more often than not, the director has the last word in who makes the final cut. And of course, this can be very frustrating if you actually meet all of the requirements, have a great audition, and still don’t succeed in nabbing the role.

One of my favorite examples of this happened to me in the past decade when I auditioned for a television series called Legit, in which they were looking for an actor who could play a character with a disability. The character in question was named Billy Nugent, and he had muscular dystrophy. I was told that I was in the running for the part along with at least two other actors. As I’m an actor with a facial paralysis thanks to growing up with Moebius syndrome, it was incredible to think that I might have a shot at a major role on a television series.

Only it didn’t pan out that way. Another actor named DJ Qualls beat me to it. As far as I know, the actor doesn’t have any noticeable disability in real life, but he was convincing enough in his audition that he got the part. Congratulations were certainly in order for him; the show lasted for three seasons, which I’m sure gave him a leg up when it came to finding more work later in his career. While I hold no ill will towards DJ, I was reminded yet again that simply having the right stuff doesn’t necessarily ensure that you’re the best fit for the part. And while Hollywood has made strides in auditioning more actors with disabilities to play characters with disabilities, this doesn’t mean that the actor meeting those requirements will get the role.

In fact, it’s still very common for able-bodied actors to play parts that are written for people with disabilities. The reasons vary, but in most situations, the producers are looking for a name actor to fill the part. The challenge, therefore, is in cultivating performers with disabilities who can eventually become name actors themselves. There are plenty of examples of this such as Peter Dinklage, Marlee Matlin, Linda Hunt, and Troy Kotsur, to name but a few. But in order for this to happen, authenticity in casting must take priority, because authenticity always matters.  

As public speakers, we have an enormous advantage compared to our thespian brothers and sisters: We can create our own speeches and thus tell our own stories. And we do so with our own voices, hearts, and minds. We aren’t at the whim of casting agents or producers. We don’t need to worry about television or movie ratings or the politics of Hollywood. And we have the option to be honest about who we are. The key to remember is that we don’t have to ask anyone’s permission to tell our stories. Authenticity always matters. And no one has the right to tell your story but you. When you take the time to be true to yourself, then your personal role can become much clearer.

I acknowledge that I can’t necessarily advise people on how to create their own stories as each person’s situation is unique. I’m also mindful of the fact that not everyone chooses to share their story. The best advice I can offer is that the story will tell itself when it’s ready. I’ve seen this many times when I’ve watched speakers both old and new take the podium and reveal parts of themselves I would never have guessed at. Yes, it’s possible some of them might embellish the truth, and especially in Table Topics, you have the opportunity to outright lie if you want to. But being able to hear someone else’s story is what inspires us to tell our own. Authenticity matters not only in what we say and how we say it. It matters because it allows others into our space in a way that affirms them. It matters because it inspires people to discover or own parts of themselves they may have neglected or thought others would shame them for. And finally, authenticity helps affirm the worth of what you bring to the table. Maybe you won’t be the right person for every part, but as a public speaker, you can decide how to best use your gifts and experience to your advantage.  

https://d7toastmasters.org/project/voices-april-2023/

Celebrating Diversity with the House of Mouse

28 Apr

At some point I’ll get around to writing a longer post about how ironic it is to be singing Disney music during a time when the corporation itself is under attack by Governor DeSantis for being too “woke.” For now, I’ll just thank Disney for being a staunch ally of our community for over 30 years. Our next concert occurs on June 24-25 and features musicians from the Oregon Symphony, which marks our first collaboration ever with them. I’ve included the link. I hope you’ll join us in June for a fantastic weekend full of song and Pride!

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